She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
