hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am one with the molecules
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
