Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
