i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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