All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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