I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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