matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize