i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
