sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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