as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
