You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
