the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
