im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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