When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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