this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
