I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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