in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
