if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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