sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
