He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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