I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
