That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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