those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love having hate sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
