She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
