I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
