Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
