And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
