just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
