I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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