weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
