I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
