hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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