her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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