You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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