And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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