So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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