im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
