I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
