Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
