What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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