wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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