she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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