God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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