I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
