tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
