We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
