Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Welp...herpes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
