His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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