omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
