remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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