i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
