Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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