Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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