I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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