You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
