worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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