So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
