the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
