I am spending my child support on dildos
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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