I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
