i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
