I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
