hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
