$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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