Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
