It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
