I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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