your parents love me but you hate me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
