found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
