it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
