I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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