i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
