he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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