I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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