All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
