Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
