Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
high people should be assigned attendants
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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