I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
