I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
