day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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