YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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