At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
